Grief

This week has been an emotional land-mine. From family issues to news of those in my past who are no longer with us. My heart could not find a moment of safe haven as the news, bitter as it was, made constant it’s comfort as it broke through the lives and brought grief unbearable. I, like so many others, know grief first hand and it’s unwelcoming bite. I remember my first real encounter with this monster was when my brother died. No one expected such a tragedy. I had feelings I could not understand. At first, there was denial, then anger. I watched my mom slip into nothingness as the pain was too harsh for her. My dad tried to be strong, but even I could recognize the hurt that eventually brought him to his knees.

Then the unthinkable happened. I lost my mom when her very life source gave way and claimed her being. Again, I watched my dad suffer as loss made him prisoner holding him in the chains that none of us choose to wear. Then recently, death came once again to claim my father. Many times during these horrible moments, I heard so many well-meaning people try to offer their condolances. “Be strong during this time” or “you’ve got to tbe strong for your family.” Unless you have walked down this path, you really have no idea about how being strong is at the very bottom of death’s totem pole. I could not quite get how to be strong. I even tried but failed miserably. It’s been 8 months since the death of my dad and I still grieve. I find some moments are worse than others, but I have learned grieving is as individual as our lives.

Our grief is our emotional healing. Shock, anger and guilt. I felt these three as they hit me hard and sure. I even felt angry at God and casted my blame upon Him. After all, He is the giver of life. He gives and takes away. But what I failed to understand is that God’s purpose is not always for me to grasp it’s understanding. We know the saying, “you never know what you have until its gone.” But, we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives. We are blessed to have those we love in our lives and once they are gone that does not mean life is over for us. We must carry on and press forward accepting the goodness that waits for us. The ones who have left us have recieved a life far more superior and rewarding.

Grieve as you may, but live life to it’s fullest with all the potential it offers you. Welcome the newness that arrives as healing gives wings and brings warmth to your soul. There is a time to live and a time to die and while you live, offer hope. Show more love. Bring joy to the tired and weary. Laugh out loud. Don’t just exist, LIVE…

This post was inspired by my loved ones that have already gone, and for those who are experiencing death’s leftovers. Janice Mau, Mark Parsec, Barry Fergusson and many others, life is beautiful you’ve proved it with your love towards those you’ve lost. In honor of my friend Jan Nydell, you will be missed, but your journey cleaves now to life eternal…

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