I’m alone. Just me and my daunting, shaky world. There are so many emotions vying for first place. So many fears and negative voices fighting to succeed. It’s been me against those past struggles that have hung on for the next big ride and we have arrived.
There have been defining moments of graces extended to me and definitive signs of God’s love and mercy. I cling to those tightly. But at this very moment, I wrestle with the obvious. One minute I’m able to verbally pray to God, the next, I’m drowning in reality. I feel the need to just cry on a shoulder, a strong and sincere shoulder without judgement and reservation. A shoulder that will allow me to speak my mind, talk about how I feel without being told how negative I am.
No matter how positive an individual you may be, somewhere along the way you’re not going to be be that person who’s always on top of things. Life happens. It happens to us all in some way or another. Like me, you will start to feel empty and out of answers. You will gradually grow numb from all of the worries, the pain and the unknowing that hangs around like a bad dark cloud ready to drop it’s dew.
Tonight, out of the blue someone asked me how I was doing? I knew this person has faced harsh storms as well. He knew the ropes, yet he smiled and kept on moving forward. Little did he know how much that little question meant to me. I was honest and told him exactly how I was feeling and ended it with, “this too shall pass.” Then, I asked him, will this pass? He assured me it would.
Sometimes, you just don’t want the comfort of those who always say they are praying for you. To me, that’s a cheap way out of really trying to help someone who needs to be comforted. Sure, it’s wonderful to pray. We are suppose to pray, but we are also called to be good Samaritans. We are taught to help carry the load. To lighten the burden of our brother and sister. There are those who make it their life to help others. I want to be one of those people. I’m a broken mess. It’s not my first rodeo mind you, but one I’m very familiar with. Even when I look at someone, I can tell if that person is broken or has been. I can tell when they hide behind their mask of pretense. My soul immediately wants to connect with them and help carry the cross that makes them bend from the weight.
It doesn’t matter what path you’re on. A loss of a loved one. Bad news from your physician. Financial upheaval. Broken relationships or facing the loss of everything you own. One thing is for certain, if we live long enough, we are going to face one or the other at some point in our lives. Take it from me, I have went through every storm I just mentioned and then some. There is no easy way out of this journey but if we trust and believe in God, He promises never to leave nor forsake us. If we don’t believe, we really have no hope. Deep down inside of each and every one of us, is a longing for something more. When we go through things too big to handle we reach down to that longing trying to find something. Anything. That longing my friend is that inner knowing whether you are willing to admit it or not, that your Heavenly Father who created you created you to run to Him when the going gets tough. He is our only source for peace and contentment.
I say this even as I stand dripping wet from the storms in my life, while dragging my feet with my head and shoulders bent from the downpour, that I know just around the bend I’ll be able to see clearly. Like the song, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s going to be a bright , bright sun shiny day.” But just before I reach that bend, I have to keep moving forward to get there. Yes, there are moments I feel like throwing my hands in the air but giving up would be the easy way out and there is nothing easy for those who are in it to win and the only way to win is with Christ Jesus on our side.
It helps me to journal my journey. For now, that sun-shiny song is stuck in my head and I smile and my thoughtful friend who took a moment to ask if I was ok, I certainly envy his ability to shine his little light. He has such a Samaritan heart and to me, that’s a high honor in our world full of brokenness. Because a real Samaritan knows and is always ready and willing to offer a little healing balm.
Are you broken? I know one who can help. It’s not always easy, but comforting to know He is our only source of help and that nothing is too big for Him to fix. It doesn’t matter who or what you are. Believe me, He already knows you and everything about you. Nothing will come as a surprise to Him. But our brokenness is His business and He’s just a prayer away…..
By Jane Hardin