The Tides Do Turn…

What a journey! The ups and downs. The tears and depression. Each day brought a new problem that continued to pile up leaving me with no hope and lots of burning questions.

An inner battle between faith and fear was a constant every day. I struggled to hold on to faith. One moment I would fly high on wings of confidence, then another I was drowning in a sea of panic.

I cried out to God to help me with my struggle. It was clearly draining the life out of me and the stress was literally killing me physically. I had issues with trying to understand God’s way of doing things when I know His ways are not mine, nor His thoughts.

I began to write down scriptures from my devotions that were based on doubts and fears, confusion and turmoil. Depression and anything of the likes thereof, and everyday, I would start my morning by reading these scriptures aloud.

Nothing seemed to be improving only getting worse, but as I continued reading these particular scriptures that dealt with my current situation, something deep within me released its grip. I began to accept whatever came my way thinking of all the sufferings Christ endured and it made me Christ – like to suffer as well.

Then, something miraculous began to take place. Little miracles were popping up, then bigger ones. I can’t say this without mentioning the peace that settled inside my soul. The kind you can’t explain. Where I stood in the middle of a brutal storm, with everything crashing around me even my health, the loss I was facing became a miracle itself.

I should be homeless. I should have lost everything I owned including my precious little twin cats. This ate at me every day tormenting me to no ends. But, God has a different plan. He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. And He hasn’t.! I’m still here! I still have everything without losing anything and that is a huge miracle in itself.

Never give up no matter how dark your life becomes. Hold on to what you believe no matter what. Miracles still happen and yours is just around the corner…. By Jane Hardin

The Unknown…

That “feeling of the unknown” and also, “feeling like you could explode from the inside out” is a scary place to be. It would be nice if problems came (not saying that problems are nice) one at a time rather than in clusters. And, it’s true, when it rains it pours.

It’s been total chaos the past few days at work. My patient totally oblivious as to what is going on in her life. Her family coming in, rearranging everything and treating her like she doesn’t exist. They are putting her in a home against her will and I have spent hour after hour trying to calm her troubled soul while she constantly repeats those words too familiar to me, “please God, please help me.” I too face losing my home and I know that pain all too well. So, while trying to comfort her it has felt like someone hit me in the gut knocking the very breath out of me. I even asked God, was all of this some kind of bad joke and I expressed how unfair it seemed.

After settling my mind, I reminded myself God is good. He is not the author of confusion and He’s certainly not the one who does bad things to us. But, He is there to help us through it and if we trust Him, He promises to make good of our dismay. I hold on to that. I’m here at the end of this particular journey reeling in the unknown and drowning in thoughts combined into a coherent whole of the journey itself. My conclusion is uncertain as I try not to fear what I cannot see and hope which is something I have a lot of, its my life line. In saying that, I know my Father God will not leave me to suffer great loss. He will take all of my mess and make something good out of it. I’m not saying I won’t lose anything, I could lose everything, but God will not let me suffer it……

By Jane Hardin