That “feeling of the unknown” and also, “feeling like you could explode from the inside out” is a scary place to be. It would be nice if problems came (not saying that problems are nice) one at a time rather than in clusters. And, it’s true, when it rains it pours.
It’s been total chaos the past few days at work. My patient totally oblivious as to what is going on in her life. Her family coming in, rearranging everything and treating her like she doesn’t exist. They are putting her in a home against her will and I have spent hour after hour trying to calm her troubled soul while she constantly repeats those words too familiar to me, “please God, please help me.” I too face losing my home and I know that pain all too well. So, while trying to comfort her it has felt like someone hit me in the gut knocking the very breath out of me. I even asked God, was all of this some kind of bad joke and I expressed how unfair it seemed.
After settling my mind, I reminded myself God is good. He is not the author of confusion and He’s certainly not the one who does bad things to us. But, He is there to help us through it and if we trust Him, He promises to make good of our dismay. I hold on to that. I’m here at the end of this particular journey reeling in the unknown and drowning in thoughts combined into a coherent whole of the journey itself. My conclusion is uncertain as I try not to fear what I cannot see and hope which is something I have a lot of, its my life line. In saying that, I know my Father God will not leave me to suffer great loss. He will take all of my mess and make something good out of it. I’m not saying I won’t lose anything, I could lose everything, but God will not let me suffer it……
By Jane Hardin