Wackadoodle Legislation

Although no longer applicable, those old stupid or should I say dumb laws are still humorous and I find it fascinating to scour them from time to time especially when I need a good laugh.

I find this entirely amusing especially when I think about living in the southern region, that in South Carolina my home state, it is illegal to keep horses in your bathtub. Now my imagination has just sprouted a plethora of images especially in those older houses from way back that had no plumbing, actually they had dark, dingy 4 x 7 out-houses nestled 150 feet or more away from the house. I don’t think I have to explain why they were built so far away, you get the picture.

But these tiny, smelly out-houses had no bathtubs , in fact, I remember my Aunt Ploma, who lived in the back woods of Tennessee taking a whore bath from water out of the well heated on the stove in her kitchen. She had horses, cattle, donkeys, you name it. It was a true to life Little House on the Prairie, but she had no bathtub and this is the image I see thinking of those old useless laws. But in Tennessee, there is an ordinance that forbids anyone to sing the song, “It Ain’t Goin’ To Rain No Mo.” Keep that tune to yourself peeps it’s an oldie by Wendell Hall recorded here in the US but the Brits sung it in a 1925 FA Cup final and became a popular football song in that early era. And if you decide to belt out that tune just be warned… However though, if ever in South Carolina, please don’t bring your horse in for a nice bath. You will need bail money.

Let me share with you some of those funny laws here in our Country. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. Texas? It is illegal to sell one’s eye. Wisconsin went as far as making it illegal to serve butter substitutes in prison. In another southern state Alabama, it is illegal to wear false mustaches that causes laughter in churches. Now I remember women back in the day wearing wigs and when they got a taste of some Holy Ghost power falling on them, they would shout so hard their wigs would go flying across the room and needless to say, me the preacher’s daughter, the leading example of all the other young hoodlums, would be the first to literally laugh out loud. I could not help myself those fly-by-wiggings were quite hilarious. But I cannot recall any fake mustaches but I’ve seen real ones that would make one cackle a good one.

In Georgia, it is illegal to keep an ice cream cone in your back pocket on Sundays. How about good ole Florida? Did you know if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle? In Hawaii, coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. Let’s go out West, in Arizona where it is illegal to keep donkeys in the bathtubs and in California if a frog dies during a frog jumping contest it cannot be legally eaten. Colorado claims it is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence. But one of my favorites is the Iowa law. One armed piano players must, by law, perform for free.

In North Carolina my neighbor state, it is illegal to sing off key. In that case, those jail cells should be over crowded. In Washington, a motorist with criminal intentions must stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town to inform him of his criminal plan and another dumb law there that supposedly still exists is you can be arrested or fined for harassing Bigfoot. Kudos Washington! I’m impressed. In Virginia, it’s against the law for a woman to drive a car in Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag. Is there a law for running over your husband?

How about those laws outside our Country? In China, a Buddhist monk is not allowed to reincarnate without the government’s express permission, oh my that might be bad news indeed for those monks who might be bored but in Scotland if you have to use the bathroom you’re in luck because the law says if a stranger knocks on your door asking to use the toilet you must let them in. One of the most ridiculous laws voted by the British citizens is the one where dying is illegal in the Houses of Parliaments but you can shoot a Scotsman with a crossbow upon seeing one, except on Sundays.

Now if you were to ask me, I cannot tell the difference between a Scottish man or British one. They look the same to me unless the Scot is wearing a kilt and God forbid if they are not wearing underwear underneath because the law says they don’t have to. Please dear God hold the winds to yourself, but if you do happen to catch a Scotsman drunk or with a weapon, he then can be shot on a Sunday. In Chester it is legal to shoot a Welsh person with a crossbow, as long as it is within the city walls and is done after midnight.

In the French town of Sarpourenx, they have had major issues with people just dying and expecting to be buried but the mayor there got fed up and issued an edict forbidding people from dying within the city limits unless they have already purchased a burial plot in the local cemetery. But for those who ignnore this edict and die anyhow will be punished severely. But the mayor stated how one severely punishes the dead is unclear. My sentiments exactly! I think that’s pretty unclear to me as well.

I think my all time favorite dumb law is the one Oklahoma brought into legislation many many years ago the one where they banned Whaling. Wait, what? I know that there are those who want to protect the Whales and it is a great idea, but has there been an issue with whales in the State of Oklahoma? If so, I need to know about this phenomena. I have been to Oklahoma and spent a lot of time there . Am I missing something here? I cannot for the life of me recall seeing an ocean in Oklahoma much less problems with whales. This state is nothing but land and the nearest ocean is over 500 miles away which is in Texas where it is illegal to sell one of your eyes if you remember. But it is also illegal to wrestle a bear in Oklahoma. Gee! That certainly makes life dull there.

These are just a few of the dumb laws I have found and wanted to share with you in hopes of conjuring a laugh or two. Most of these dumb laws leaves one scratching their head and whether or not they may have made sense during the time they were written, they certainly are questionable today and every state has one or a few of these so-called legislation’s. Some claims have been made that to this day some of those weird laws still exist. Go check out some of these wackadoodle laws for your self and enjoy….

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