Today has been a wonderful day for me. I’ve been out and about enjoying the cloudy cold morning breathing in cool fresh air and to me it’s reviving to the soul. As I was out, tears filled my eyes, not of sadness but of joy. There are so many things I do not understand and the one thing that stands out for me is the voice of God who seems to speak to me at odd hours of the dark morning. In fact, He wakes me up to encourage me then fills me with unequivocal , sustaining peace that I cannot explain…
If you know me and know of my past few years of living life at my lowest point, then you might understand why I write about it often. But no one on this earth can truly understand and feel the words I say unless they have been there and done that. I write for those who are experiencing scarring effects from being broken just like me. In my tears last night, I prayed to God thanking Him for His mercies on my life. I committed to Him everything about me and left it at “my life is in your hands.” A few hours later, I was awakened and that small still voice brought me to tears once again when He told me that I was in a cleansing and resting period. I questioned God and then told Him what He already knew; “I cannot get life right. I mess up sometimes and say things I should not out of anger which still resides in my heart, and even though I ask for forgiveness, I still mess up.” God then told me that’s why I am in a cleansing period. He is healing me of things that have rooted deeply and have grown into ugly weeds in my life.
I continued my conversation telling God that I had lost my way, my dreams and I have completely reclused myself from the world aside from the few I trust, of course He already knew this and assured me that He is fully restoring to me that which was lost. You see, being battered by life’s storms and broken by it’s wrath will bruise you beyond recognition. It will change you and make you more appreciative of life itself and the blessings of God He has waiting for you. I have to say, it is hard, very hard, let me reiterate and say it’s extremely difficult to even remotely give God praise when darkness is your breath than it is when the sun is shining brightly.
Romans 8:28, “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Those of us who suffer in the dark of the midnight, we gain a sense of appreciation that cannot be obtained in no other way even though we have been battered to no end, beaten down, broken beyond being broken and bruised in ways no one could possibly understand. There was a time I felt indispensable, that I had to be there or else, or if anything happened to me everything would go wrong, that my work could not survive without me, but to my surprise, God proved me wrong. In fact, I’ve learned that God was there with me every step of the way leading me through things I never thought I would have survived much less endured. I had to learn the hard way even through that dreadful night when life should have ended for me and four others in that car accident in April of 2018. In fact, it was the very date my brother drowned years prior to this on April 22nd.
I want to encourage you now. I have seen things, experienced things that no one should have to go through. I have learned lessons that I didn’t even realize I needed schooling for, but I did. My eyes have been opened and my life enriched from these experiences and now it is my duty to help you through your difficult days. Most times, we do not know the reason nor have answers for all the things such as God’s dealings but we can be assured God knows what he is doing in our troubles. It is hard to understand that fact but understand we must, and it’s hard to accept that He has to put us down, make us sit still to teach us quietness and stillness while He molds and makes us into what we are supposed to be.
In all these things, in all your sufferings, while you are being tested and tried, hang tight and keep in mind God’s wonderful promise that He will never leave you nor forsake you even though it might feel like it. It will be a very scary time in your life and I will not sugar coat these trials and tell you everything will be fine. When you go through them, it’s going to hurt and be painful and like me you will wonder when it will ever end. This is the time to let go and let God! This is the time to place your life in His hands completely. He may take things from you, remove people in your life He sees will be a hindrance in your future, but these takings are nothing compared to his givings. This is the time to trust with your whole heart the one who created you, this is the time your faith is going to be exercised for the very purpose of growing your faith. This is the time to cry, and realize your humanistic ways will come to fruition and it’s okay, God understands oh how well He understands!
If you are reading this and you can relate, then you know or will quickly learn exactly what Job said when he uttered the words that we are “miserable comforters” until we have suffered ourselves. And our personal experiences gives us rights to bring the greatest comfort and peace to others who are being battered, broken and bruised themselves. The biggest mistake you can make is comparison! Never compare yourself to anyone or what they have gone through. Never complain about those who don’t go through fiery trials because in reality, some people do not belong to God or they are worthless from a standpoint of fruit and service and keep in mind, “whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth.”
I’ll leave you with this:
“If we could push ajar the gates of life, and stand within and all God’s workings see, we could interpret all this doubt and strife, and for each mystery we’d find the key.
But not today! Then be content, poor heart; God’s plans like lilies pure and white unfold; we must not tear the close-shut leaves apart; time will reveal the calyxes of gold.
And when through patient toil we reach the land when tired feet with sandals loosed may rest, when we shall clearly know and understand, I know that we shall say God’s way was best.” Anonymous Poet