Ode To Krampus

Some know of Krampus as the anthropomorphic beast in some enduring Eastern Alpine folklore who likes to scare children. I only know of the Krampus from the WarZone games my sons play who tries to kill people in the game. But my version of Krampus is the guy from my previous relationship who left me for another woman, and another woman, possibly another one in there too. Not much for commitment, but ace at browsing I should say. But I would love to send him a coloring page with a turtle on it explaining that three year old’s have trouble staying within the lines and maybe if he practiced coloring the turtle it would help him with his relationship skills of being faithful and loyal in a relationship and staying in those committed lines. He definitely has put a “Kramp” in my life.

I recently found out the love of my life was in a relationship without my knowing with another woman. Not only did I find out about her, but during this time he tried to convince yet another woman to move in with him. But because she has trust issues with men, she did not want to move too fast, but he tried to tell her in his most romantical way, he might be the guy to convince her to marry him. Needless to say, I became very sick to my stomach. Krampus had me blindly convinced he was not like other men who cheat on women. Yesterday, he threatened me with suicide saying, if I told the new woman in his life about “us” he would kill himself after sending out an email to everyone saying it was my fault. This did not go over very well with me. I did send him a hot-line number there in England for those who feel the need to end their lives and told him to get help. I then wrote a long email, a ” for the record” kind of email explaining my innocence for his sister and friends to see if he continued to threaten me with coercive control. This is clearly psychological and emotional abuse and in his little plan to take me emotionally hostage and try to force me to meet his demands revealed to me just how insane Krampus really is.

After several days of uncontrollable tears and a need to understand what happened and why, I feel relieved today that I am no longer his problem not that I was a problem to him, but I gave him ten years of my life, an entire decade and he threw it all away. Today, I shed no more tears and could care less who he is with or what he is doing with the one he is with. Instead, I am laughing at myself for the thoughts I’ve been thinking of him. Earlier, I took the garbage out to the bins and stared at the trash bag with a huge grin on my face. I said to the bag, “Krampus, this is you in the garbage bag, and this is me taking the garbage out, goodbye!” I know. I totally know you are thinking I’m the one who is insane and I would have to agree with you. After all, I have been to hell and back with everything he has put me through and I have every right to be coo coo for coa coa puffs right now. In fact, if I was in England right now, I would put a very nice, cordial note on his girlfriend’s car, only because he does not have a car, saying;

“Dear Krampus,
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy life to interrupt mine with so much disruption. Really, you shouldn’t have you went way over and beyond your kindness to make sure my life was decorated with all those lovely, daunting memories I am now left with. It’s not like I have a heart or emotions and once again thank you so much for using your personal time to make my life harder. But when you screw around like a fool, you make people mad. When you make people mad, they write you notes and when they are writing you notes, they are wasting their time. When they waste their time, they get more mad or is it madder? Now they are doubting their grammar. Don’t make people doubt their grammar. Stop screwing around like a fool. You should really invest in ballet lessons and learn how to do those pump turns, you know, where the Ballerina dances around and around in circles, almost like she’s screwing herself into the floor. I mean that would seem to be right up your alley, the screw part anyway. You can thank me later for not going monster truck on the car. It’s not that nice of a car but those scratches down the side was a complete accident and I’m sure she is insured. Thank you so much for all the heartaches, lies and betrayals you have betrothed on me. Such a nice gesture and I’m forever scarred from your efforts to screw around like a fool. So please, don’t waste anymore time screwing around like a fool on your new love or she might get mad and when you make people mad they write notes and when they are writing notes, they are wasting their time. When they waste their time they get more mad or is it madder? You figure out the grammar part because making people doubt their grammar can be stressful and when people get stressed, they get mad and the cycle begins all over.
Your ex fiance who doesn’t screw around like a fool.

I am tired now, and will go and have a hot tea and enjoy the rest of my evening wondering why poor ole frumpy Krampus, screwed around like a fool. If he was here, I would hand him a blank piece of paper and tell him, “so, you’re a cheater. Here, let me show you a list of people who still respect you.” I for one think it would be beyond deserving and acceptable. To all of you who have been cheated on, we all have that one thing in common, but that commonality would be against the law and land us in a nice padded cell or the jailhouse. Keep your cool and just write him or her a note.


2 Replies to “Ode To Krampus”

  1. Yeah, Krampus. Or… A womanizing narcissist. I’ll go with the latter. I’m sorry this happened, but you only deserve the best. Love you.

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